Project

During the worst of times,
You stayed, never left, never gave up on me.

Now you are absent, gone,
Free from me, alone.

I’ve tried to pull myself together,
And now this tears me apart.

Fixing your broken friend was too much,
So let me forget your ‘magic touch’

I wonder why through my broken you stayed
And now that I’m better,
Our lines of communication have frayed.

Was it all a game?

You stayed through the worst of it,
And I thought you deserved the best of it,
Instead I think I was your project.

Curious

She says she is trying to understand,
And she knows she never will,
But in this moment, her words put me at ease
Because it’s not nice to feel alone.
And I know I’m never alone with her by my side.

She tells me she has a lot to learn,
Taking my teachings as if it were the word of her God,
So I be as honest as I can be,
Telling no fibs, just honesty,
Educating her to the best of my ability
Hoping that more are curious as she

Amnesia

I don’t want to forget,
But I likely will
Forget the touch of your hands on mine,
The way you loved me unconditionally,
It’s as if amnesia has taken over
I’m not the same being I used to be.

I don’t want to forget,
But I likely will,
The way you raised me
The ways you shaped my little mind
I don’t want to forget.

I’m forgetting.
I’m forgetting days when we did nothing,
And those we did everything.
I’m forgetting who you were back then,
Forgetting who I am now,
I see you clearly now,
My life a blur,
You are my constant.

I don’t want to forget,
But I likely will,
Forget the way you hugged me,
The way you made my pain go away.
I don’t want to forget,
Because every moment not remembering,
Is a moment I fret. 

Sinful

If pride be my deadly sin,
Lord allow,
Let it be.
I’ll be damned if I can’t be
Proud of my personal victories

If pride be my deadly sin,
Lay me down to rest,
Among those who I have influenced,
Around that which I have created,
With those who are as proud as I

If pride be my deadly sin,
Let me die.
Allow me to feel with full abandon,
My pride for myself and those alike 

If I Could

If I could change anything about my body,
I wouldn’t change my appearance,
I would change my stomach into the butterflies that occupy it, to allow for all the words I’ve never spoken to come out into the open.
I might change my heart into someone elses, so I could feel what I cannot; let the emotions overcome me so that maybe my feelings will surprise me again.
I would change my memory, so that I might remember things that comfort me. Instead of wondering what happened to me.
I could change my mind, healing my disorders, making my mind finally healthy, create a sense of simplicity
I might change my hands into conductors, allowing them to make music, and art, creating things of beauty, and works that are ugly
I would change my dreams into reality,
If I could change anything about my body, I would try to make a better me. 

When I Was a Kid

I’ve always wondered what could have happened, when I was a kid.
When I was a kid, I was boisterous,
Now careful unless manic,
A maniac,
Bipolar wild-child,
Who knew it would actually be true.

I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut,
but am still mastering the skill.
No one seems to see the importance of my words,
Until I haven’t spoken in a while.
As someone with lots to say, this is difficult.

When I was a kid, I was told to shut up,
That my words weren’t enough.
Now I know the invalidity of that fact.

Every now and again, I break,
Just like when I was a child.
And I cry because my words don’t seem important.
For years, my words were all I had,
Living off poetry, and eating dictionaries trying to survive tough times. 

Tomatoes

He always said that he hates fruit,
Though always said that his favourite ‘vegetable’ was a tomato.
His floors, swept and mopped, my dad is invested in cleanliness,
Sometimes not knowing when to stop.
As if perfection would save him.
But we all know that it’s up to God.
And my dad insists that you need not go to church, so long as you praise him other ways.
He reminds me that God is all loving, and non judging.
My dad taught me what it is to love someone unconditionally.
Showing my mother what a man looks like,
Teaching my brother how to be one,
And allowing me to see what kind of man I will want one day.

He tells me stories,
From when he was my age,
Heartbreaking accounts of losing his parents,
But it teaches me:
Cherish the ones you love, and the ones who love you.