19

19 Starts brand new,
Begs, pleads, God please keep me accountable. 2 years cut free.
18 Struggling to wrangle booze and pills,
18 Drunk for the first time; best friend sobers me up, until I move away, ruining the best parts of me.
18 Sober; I gave in at 4 and a half months the first time. I think I gave up at 24 weeks the last. Sober, not. Sober, not. Sober not. Trying not to slip up, trying not to get caught.
18 I think I remember a little bit of last year, but maybe not.
18 I can't decide if I will ever be okay.
17 Praying to God that I would die, crying endlessly, believing love was a lie. Starts drinking quote unquote 'for fun'; regrets to acknowledge that I think I'm allergic to alcohol, turns out I'm not.
16 Hurting daily, cutting myself in the school bathroom everyday. In such a haze from drugs, tries to kill myself for the last time. My estimate is the 6th. Finally able to burn my suicide notes.
15 Surgery prompts drug use, the first time I ever tried to overdose. I failed.
15 7 tramadol; I slept 18 hours straight. Before surgery I asked my best friend if the surgeon would tell my mom about the self-inflicted scars on my hips. He doesn't.
15 My brother thinks he may be allergic to alcohol. My mom says I may be as well, I don't question it. I mean who drinks anyway?
14 I feel depressed. I try to fix everyone but myself. I act as psychologist, therapist, mother, friend, when I'm pretty sure I'm none of the above.I hurt
13 I only have one friend at school, I dye my hair purple, still only one friend, I feel lonely.
12 How would it feel to die? I think I might want that, but I drop the thought.
11 There are shark razor blades at work, I decide I should try to cut myself, my friends mom has mentioned to me that my friend has done it. I was in girl guides.
10 My older brother is so cool, bright green hair and all. He doesn't need to do drugs or drink to be cool.
9 Grandpa has a lot of beer, but that's okay, because he is Grandpa.
8 I see mommy taking medicine a lot, I wish she would feel better. Pills must make people feel better, right?
7
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5
4
3
2
1
0 When my Mum was pregnant and I drained her vitamins from her body, did she ever think that I would do the same to her medicine cabinet as a teen?


EDIT: As of  OCT 28/2014, I have been self injury free for 2 years and 7 months
 Sober and clean for 358 days, nearly 1 full year.