Home

Homesick off the thought of your lives moving on,

While mine rediscovers it's loneliness,

Impossible depressions taking over my being,

I couldn't bear the thought of you seeing.

There's you, keeping distance,

Keeping happy, why would I stop you?
I simply miss touch, 

I miss your hugs, 

The fact that your heart has always been my second home, 

And that's where my heart roams 

It's my safety net. 

It's the missing of everything and everyone I've loved, 

For a short time only, 

I remember the good that comes of all of this, 

Then I am thrown back into forgetfulness, 

Regret, why did I go, how come I didn't stay, 

I'm missing everything I dreamed of having, 

It's paralysing,
Lonliness is intoxicating, 

I miss having your arms be my home.

Insanity

The world spins,
Uncontrollably bringing me sadness,
Contagious I am,
Flooding over me is insanity.
Mind a whirl wind idea of hope
Until I realize I'm sober
I reach the end of my rope
As I understand nothing of how I am.
My mind wanders into ideas of honesty,
Being honest about who I am, but I wonder still,
Why when I am still,
Does my mind wander in uncertainty?
A sober human with a mind that roars intoxication,
Bringing unsteadiness, weakness, and the feeling of being dizzy,
But I am sober.
This makes me desire the feeling
I want it to grow stronger
So I have to work harder
To keep myself sober longer.
In the end I always fail,
I bow down and swallow the pills,
Swallow the pain,
Becoming further sickened by the intoxication
Worrying minds become unimportant,
Suddenly I don't miss the feeling,
Wish I'd never touched this regret,
Said the one whose head spins round,
With nothing but insanity fluttering about,
I simply wish to understand this,
Why must I be tempted by false realities,
Dragged down deep by the trance I feel,
This makes my insanity real.

Friend?

No, 

No I don't need you to remind me, 

Yes, 

I know I am ruining my life, 

And your whatever doesn't phase me 

Because I know that it's all whatever

Yes, I understand that I have a problem

Yes,

I am proactive and seeking treatment

And no,

Your opinions don't make it easier 

So stop

Please 

Realize

That if you aren't helping,

You are hurting, 

And if you are hurting, 

You aren't helping

The struggle is real

I understand the consequence 

But no, you can't just tell addiction to stop

You can't simply press pause, rewind, play

Instead you live day to day, mess up often, work it out few 

And that's my truth

I don't need to be reminded

It hurts me more than it hurts you 

When you don't care, 

Keep your mouth shut, 

Opinions about me to yourself

Don't be rude 

Try to help, or don't, 

Whatever, but don't tell me you know better 

Until you've been thrown around 

At your addictions feet 

For so long you don't remember not

Sober as of yesterday, clean also, 

I don't need you to remind me I'm ruining my life 

I didn't need the whatever 

I know my life is messed

There is a reason I'm so stressed

I never would have chose this route 

No one ever would

I didn't need you to point out the obvious

I didn't need a sad completion

I needed a friend-

Something I didn't get in the end

~Megan Antoinette

Night (Actual happenings, not so much poem, though still blog worthy, and still poetic)

Because it's minuscule, empty, frozen. There is nothing in my heart that can redeem my own or anyone else's sadness. Everything feels empty, but I feel so weighed down. 

Well then during that time let my heart fill a bit of the emptiness that you feel

So I let myself cry.

And in that moment, I felt full.