Letter Poem #5~ Mom

For years you haven't known who I am 
Yet you still help me out of every jam
I am your daughter, your one and only
I'd hate for you to think I'm a phony 

I have done things I am so not proud of
Things I've repented to God above 
But I'm still one who loves you most 
And to you I'll never say adios

There are so many things I want to say 
And I know they won't make everything okay 
But a poem only holds so many words 
And I know they'll always hurt

Mom, I'm sorry. I truly am 
I haven't been the best I can 
I wish you had known before 
Maybe then it wouldn't have felt like such a war

But that's my fault and I apologize
Every time I lied to you a part of me died 
But I want nothing more than to move on
And go back to being your 'spawn' 

I've been holding on and fighting
Because you taught me that like lightning 
And you always told me I was beautiful and smart
You showed me how to love with all my heart 

I will never be just like you,
Someone who always seems to have a clue,
And I will never have your strength not near compare 
However my love from you I will always wear 

Knowing that my mother loved me dearly 
And that in her eyes I haven't failed her clearly
To know that I'm still all yours 
And that it's you I will forever adore

Is the greatest privilege in all the world 
And even when our lives become swirled
It brings me back to sad thoughts of who, 
Who I would have been if not for you