Hopelessly Coping

I only remember my beliefs

And my coping strategies

The past year a blur 

But I'm still an amateur 

I forget the moments and the days

For my mind was in a haze

No fluidity in my mind 

Looking at my life from behind

I tried to make the best out of every day

But that still didn't make it okay

I thought the only way out

Was to do more than scream and shout

I didn't understand what self control was

And looking back it's all a fuzz

For I knew nothing right to be true 

And loving myself is all I tried to pursue 

I hated myself and the way I used to be 

Every night I would cry myself to sleep 

I would hurt myself mercilessly

Because I wasn't the person I wanted to be 

I remember the way I used to cope 

Filled with not a sliver of hope

I don't though remember the things I did;

Only the behaviors and thoughts I hid

I only remember my beliefs

And my coping strategies

The past year a blur 

But I'm still an amateur