Cross Their Hearts And Hope I Die

I was told that I didn't try hard enough

At least not enough to kill myself 

That it would take more pills, and more pain 

And just more slashing of my veins 

People told me only idiots jumped off bridge peaks 

And that anyone trying to die is weak

That my feelings were false or untrue 

But in my veins the blood would always be blue

Sparking interest of writing and poetic words 

The only things I ever truly heard 

Mind shuffling in every direction 

Trying to break all connection 

I thought of dying as nothing more than rest 

And the peace in having experienced death

I had my plan 

My life was to end

Every 43 seconds someone attempts to die

Every 18 minutes it's more than a try 

I was one, more times than not 

A lot of lessons I was taught 

How can you smile with your eyes

When all your smiles are lies 

And you want to die, and live to fight

And try with all your might 

With each suicide attempt my heart going cloudy 

My mind screaming loudly

Bickering between hard dreams 

And through all the loud screams 

I was told lies, 

So I kept on wearing my disguise 

Hiding in the shadows of those who were content 

I didn't own my body, I simply paid rent 

These lies dug oh so deep

Taking every part of me 

Tearing me into shreds 

Making me wish I were dead

I was told that I didn't try hard enough

At least not enough to kill myself 

That it would take more pills, and more pain 

And just more slashing of my veins