Haze

Is this life too fast for me,
Is it too late for me to be free
Or am I simply too slow
To live in this frantic flow

My mind racing around jumbled hearts
Laying on the floor, pulled into parts,
My drunken mumblings were not enough
For you to stick around when things were rough

It could have come out all wrong
I could have admitted that I’ve loved you all along
But while my mind wasn’t at it’s best,
I wasn’t in a spot to lift things from my chest

So instead I made myself a fool in front of you
And forgot how to myself be true
Part of me died that night
And thinks you were always right

As much as I hate that about the truth
I will forever remember that night of my youth,
Where a drunken night of vodka and smiles
Turned instantly into a night of hardships and trials

A night of laughter turned sour
Where my night was slumber-less throughout the hours
And the way you drove away replays in my brain
And causes a painful strain

My first memory of a drunken haze
Is impossibly lost in a daze
I was too worried about the way you felt
And how you’d react to the cards you were dealt

I was scared and upset,
My heart in utter fret
My beliefs astray
And to my God I did pray

I love you too much to have you go
I’m sure that clearly shows,
By the scared look in my eyes
To me it comes as no surprise

Is this life too fast for me,
Is it too late for me to be free
Or am I simply too slow
To live in this frantic flow

Not A Relapse

I'm mentally impaired,
In despair,
Mentally unprepared
And genuinely scared

I'm taken over by a monster
One called addiction and relapse
One called abuse
That is the truth

I'm overcome by drugs, trying to be free
Of the fears and sights I feel and see
And by the pills I might swallow
For in my sorrows I wallow

The drugs play with my mind
And tell me I'm just fine
Altering reality
Creating inner brutality

I sit here half drugged off a normal dose
And to a lot of things I feel close
My mind bringing back old times
And my old pathetic past-times

 Still my mind feels tired and gross
And my body lays here morose
I try to mentally replay the sounds of a symphony
Before I awake back into reality

I'm mentally impaired,
In despair,
Mentally unprepared
And genuinely scared

Depression Hurts (Written in February 2012)

My television says to me ‘Depression hurts, but you don’t have to’
Well yes, yes I do-
I don’t have some mutual understanding in my family that says if it sucks,
Well, then we will help you-
We have this thing called ‘everyone gets depressed sometimes’
And it’s not a big deal to feel the way that I feel
But it is.
And it doesn’t matter what they say, cause
I know I am right all the way
And I don’t need to question how I feel
I only have to question how I deal-
The way that I have to swipe a blade on my skin
Just to make the pain go away-
Or make it seem that way
It’s not fair and it doesn’t seem right
But I can’t bring it up,
It’s something I don’t feel strong enough to fight
If I could I would but I know that I can’t
My parents just won’t understand
And I don’t care that I am left alone in my thoughts
I care that you and everyone else are not
Jealousy overwhelms me when I feel like I’m the only one
And that I feel like I’m alone
I care that despite my best efforts
I will never be like you
And I will never like you
But that you will always be better than me
And that it will fuel my frustration and hatred.
It makes me sad and it makes me mad
Mad to know that you can get help,
And that I know I can’t.
It’s a double standard.
It’s just not fair-
But when I get so mad that I can’t even breath-
And you are the cause, and you are the reason
You are always so composed-
If you only knew that I hurt the same.
In the grand scheme of things, life is but a game
I’m playing and I’m losing
While you’re left there schmoosing.
Doing nothing to get it, you are there with a psychologist
And I’m left all alone, trying to scream
Waiting and waiting for the dream.
It’s not reality where I’m from
I’m all alone to overcome
Without help that I desperately need.
So until the day comes that I can look you in the eye
I will stand here seeming wry
Because my heart, it aches
And I make mistakes
In dealing with the pain I feel
To remind myself that life is true
And that life is real.
I will stand here with my heart open,
Pouring itself out
For I’m living with self doubt
Self doubt that reminds me that I will never be good enough to tell you,
And you will never find out.
I just want you to know,
I just want my feelings to show
My television says to me ‘Depression hurts, but you don’t have to’
Well yes, yes I do-

Pinky Promise

What happens when suicide is only a pinky promise away?

When thoughts are astray?

What happens when you aren’t okay?

And when the lines of life are frayed?

 

Is it something you live with?

Is beauty all a façade, or a myth?

Or is it something for which you would die?

And something you would try to justify?

 

What would happen if you thought of it every day,

But you had to promise that you would stay,

Forcing a smile and bursts of joy,

Playing with your heart as if it’s a toy

 

What is the meaning to life?

Is it simply to live, and then die?

She needs to be looked in the eyes

And have someone know that she’s not fine

What happens when those around are leery,

And she has to prove how she is no longer cheery

And that joy is long gone

And that from life she is detached and she has withdrawn

 

Where did the love go?

What about love that wasn’t all for show?

When people had so much to live for

We long to have it restored

 

What happens when the girl has nothing?

And to the thought of death she clings

When she prays to die in her sleep

Laying there, in a crying and pathetic heap

 

And moments are hours, hours months, and months, years,

Or at least that’s how it appears

The hearts and minds of children wrecked

And nothing but broken pieces to try and protect

 

What happens when suicide is only a pinky promise away?

When thoughts are astray?

What happens when you aren’t okay?

And when the lines of life are frayed?

I'm Sorry

I am sorry for running out 

And for the words I did shout

I am sorry for the way I act

My mind has never been exact 

I'm sorry I get so crazy

For my ups, downs, and lazies 

I forget when I go mad

That I'm still so sad 

My moments are forever unclear 

And my mind creates vast fear 

I'm sorry for being a killjoy too, 

I never meant to let myself hurt you

I am sorry for letting my emotions get out of hand 

For they are anything but planned

I am sorry I make you deal with me 

You can leave anytime you want though, you see 

My brokenness is undeniable 

And I'm sorry for being so God damn unreliable 

I'm sorry that this is this is the person you see 

Whenever you look at me

I'm sorry I drop my problems on you also, 

And that every time a part of you I borrow 

But I'm mostly sorry for being such a mental mess

I really don't want to cause you stress

I'm sure you didn't picture me like this the first time we met 

And I'm sure that saying hi is your biggest regret 

I'm sorry for wasting your precious time 

But for me it's all an uphill climb 

Tylenol Seven

If I think too hard about that day 

I remember only what you did say

It hurts more than you would think 

It put me on the brink 

'It's called Tylenol seven' he said 

It made me wish I were dead 

Bringing up my popping of pills

It made me have no power of will

It was that, and not something to save me 

That comment made me hate who I could be

No other words could have killed eight months of hard work

New scars seemed like a perk

So I cut myself hard and long 

Listening to depressing songs 

I created something new 

From the comments uttered by you

I hated myself and what I had done

I couldn't even see the sun 

I broke eight months of strength 

And went to every length

I couldn't handle your words

But nothing else was ever heard 

It taunted me when my wrists were  clean 

And turned them into something that couldn't be seen 

Covered by makeup, bracelets and sleeves

I thought nothing else relieves

So I cut and popped the pills more

And life became a chore

Your words gave me scars for my lifetime

Ones that cross a line 

Seven in a row

Marking how much I've since grown

It hurt knowing that your words made it worse 

To my well being they were a curse 

It seemed like you really didn't care 

And that you weren't really there 

If felt like you wanted me to do it 

And it was okay to dig myself a pit

I truthfully thought you agreed

And I longed to be freed 

But I thought you wanted me to hurt and cry

So I cut and took pills, I tried and I lied 

I said I was happy but felt destroyed 

I tried to fill the void

I was hurt and broken

I tried to take back all the words that had been spoken

But now I understand 

And can still call you my best friend

Because of this I am stronger 

And will be around much longer

It still causes me some pain 

But I no longer have trouble tying to explain

If I think too hard about that day 

I remember only what you did say

It hurts more than you would think 

It put me on the brink

Hopelessly Coping

I only remember my beliefs

And my coping strategies

The past year a blur 

But I'm still an amateur 

I forget the moments and the days

For my mind was in a haze

No fluidity in my mind 

Looking at my life from behind

I tried to make the best out of every day

But that still didn't make it okay

I thought the only way out

Was to do more than scream and shout

I didn't understand what self control was

And looking back it's all a fuzz

For I knew nothing right to be true 

And loving myself is all I tried to pursue 

I hated myself and the way I used to be 

Every night I would cry myself to sleep 

I would hurt myself mercilessly

Because I wasn't the person I wanted to be 

I remember the way I used to cope 

Filled with not a sliver of hope

I don't though remember the things I did;

Only the behaviors and thoughts I hid

I only remember my beliefs

And my coping strategies

The past year a blur 

But I'm still an amateur 

I Want To (Trust You)

It's hard to trust

When you can't even trust yourself 

When you've had no one to look up to 

But I want to be able to trust you

I care and I love and I try to protect

And what would you expect 

You are a big part of me, 

I care so much about you, you see 

Unknowing bringing anxiety and stress 

Making me an unforgivable mess

Showing me how to worry

Making my rationality blurry

I spent so long learning to trust

And I know it seems unjust 

But I love you more than I love myself

And I can't put my feelings on the top shelf

I hate myself for the feelings I can't control

And on all aspects it takes it's toll

And I find it hard to understand

Why I can't take life by the hand 

A foreign thing to me is trust

And it tends to be rusty

But I'll keep on trying 

And stop lying 

It's hard to trust

When you can't even trust yourself 

When you've had no one to look up to 

But I want to be able to trust you

Oversimplified

Maybe I left to cry,
Maybe I left to commit suicide,
Or maybe I just left to fix my makeup
And keep the only sense of feeling beautiful inside.
Perhaps the girl who left class dewy eyed,
Felt oversimplified
And like all she’s ever done is try
And in you I can’t confide
Because my feelings already feel implied
I feel life is a drive
And I’m just a passenger along for the ride
Like the driver told me the direction
But he lied
And perhaps through the sky I’d rather glide
Than through the thoughts of people with simple minds
The possibilities are hard to hide
Perhaps I left because I wished I had died
Or whether to hurt myself or not I had to decide.
Maybe I left to cry,
Maybe I left to commit suicide,
Or maybe I just left to fix my makeup
And keep the only sense of feeling beautiful inside.
Perhaps the girl who left class dewy eyed,
Felt oversimplified
And like all she’s ever done is try

Bridge Walker

I'll always be a bridge walker
And an adrenaline stalker
Whether I think that I could fly
Or if I walk it to know if I'll die

Do I walk it because it's my choice
Or because I hear Gods voice
Is it truly my will
Or a void in me I aim to fill

Am I an undercover optimist
Or a truthful pessimist?
Are my options divided
And my fate already decided

Do I want to feel weightless
And forget my faithfulness
Jump and be free
So I start to count; one, two, three

The edge an unforgettable sight
When my life I want to overwrite
And I see it as a new start
Attempting to find new heart

Anxious breaths hang low
As I picture myself mid float
Diving into a sea of cars
And suddenly I'm seeing stars

I want to jump I want to fly
But today I don't want to die
So I act as though I see wonder
And I'm not held back by God's thunder

I'll always be a bridge walker
And an adrenaline stalker
Whether I think that I could fly
Or if I walk it to know if I'll die

Try

I try so hard to fight

I gave it all my might

And I ought to be 

That which I sought out to see

And it's not quite the way it seems 

I try to be free, 

However something's enraging me

And my goals seem out of sight

People look at me and say 'she'

She is the happy 

The one with only smiles it seems 

But I too cry

And die inside 

When faced with lessons I was taught

And the stricture I overcame and fought

And while it may seem gutsy, 

I show on my face some sort of glee

While there is pain in my eyes

No one seems to set their sights 

Though my dreams are beautifully wrought 

They always seem as not

I have seen the light 

And been places where I've been filled with fright

And I have lied, 

But more than that, I've tried

 

Close Your Eyes

If I had to go deaf, I'd rather go blind
Because poetry sounds so much more beautiful when you close your eyes
And if I got the choice  I would live hearing voices
As long as they whispered to me,
The sweet sounds of poetry
And forever I'll sing the sweet sounds of soul
Because in poker you can't win if you fold
My words trickling out of me
Like the tears of those I used to be
And if I had to I would give up my body for my mind
Because my words are the only way I  can be defined
And the truth lies in the ink left behind
Each feeling written one of a kind
My mind is my violin,
And my sheet music is stored within
Ready for my brain to connect to my heart
And sing the song of a precious restart
If I had to go deaf, I'd rather go blind
Because poetry sounds so much more beautiful when you close your eyes

Letter Poem #7~ Emily

French Fry, oh French Fry, 
I just stopped to say hi,
But yes thanks, I will come in and stay, 
I know you make everything okay 

 You know things about me that I never even knew 
And I know I can always trust you 
You are my crazy friend 
One I will treasure until the end

My life turned upside down, 
As so with my frown 
You've been nothing but inspiring 
Your company makes me want to sing 

You'll be the one telling jokes do dirty
That our sides will hurt 
Making me laugh through my sadness 
And making me realize I was a mess 

You bring me joy and love 
When push comes to shove 
And bring me back down 
When I need to be grounded 

You were my only friend in grade eight
And gave me less to hate 
Your company saved me several times 
And made me appreciate wind chimes

You said once that we would forever be us
And no one else could make a fuss 
Because you were French Fry and I was chicken nugget, 
And the rest was fuck it 

We did things the way we chose, 
And believed there were leprechauns at the end of rainbows 
We sat for hours discussing things we knew 
Speaking of how we would pursue 

French Fry, oh French Fry, 
I just stopped to say hi,
But yes thanks, I will come in and stay, 
I know you make everything okay

Letter Poem #6~ Adam

You showed me Gods love
And told me he was right there up above 
You made week one grow into many more
And you metaphorically helped me off the floor 

 You adapted as I did, 
No matter how many feelings I hid
And you took me under your wing
Giving me nothing but praises to the Lord to sing

You threw away the knives that scarred me 
And showed who I could really be 
You made life plain for me to see,
And helped me get back some of my dignity 

A poem still isn't enough for me to say thanks 
It won't ever be even the bottom of the ranks
But you reminded me how life isn't always fair 
And showed me step by step how it can be repaired

No words can express how grateful I am
Not even the worlds best dithyramb 
But I expect that the world will know and understand 
When they see how much you are grand 

I like to call myself a we 
Because you must have helped dozens like me 
So broken and discontent 
You gave us a safe place to vent 

You taught me how God loved me so 
You made it a mission for me to be shown 
For God gave us each a gift 
And yours was that you could shape-shift 

You showed me Gods love
And told me he was right there up above 
You made week one grow into many more
And you metaphorically helped me off the floor

Letter Poem #5~ Mom

For years you haven't known who I am 
Yet you still help me out of every jam
I am your daughter, your one and only
I'd hate for you to think I'm a phony 

I have done things I am so not proud of
Things I've repented to God above 
But I'm still one who loves you most 
And to you I'll never say adios

There are so many things I want to say 
And I know they won't make everything okay 
But a poem only holds so many words 
And I know they'll always hurt

Mom, I'm sorry. I truly am 
I haven't been the best I can 
I wish you had known before 
Maybe then it wouldn't have felt like such a war

But that's my fault and I apologize
Every time I lied to you a part of me died 
But I want nothing more than to move on
And go back to being your 'spawn' 

I've been holding on and fighting
Because you taught me that like lightning 
And you always told me I was beautiful and smart
You showed me how to love with all my heart 

I will never be just like you,
Someone who always seems to have a clue,
And I will never have your strength not near compare 
However my love from you I will always wear 

Knowing that my mother loved me dearly 
And that in her eyes I haven't failed her clearly
To know that I'm still all yours 
And that it's you I will forever adore

Is the greatest privilege in all the world 
And even when our lives become swirled
It brings me back to sad thoughts of who, 
Who I would have been if not for you

Letter Poem #4~ Tierney

How can I say it and not have it sound cliche? 
You'll never know what you mean to me babe, 
There is a reason we met, we are true sisters 
Together we will face and overcome great stricture 

Best friends for a whole seventeen 
There's nothing that we've never seen
Been through a million bands
Pretending to be number 1 fans

We've gone through lip syncing,
And years of singing
Milk out the nose, 
And oh how that blows. 

 We've been through the best and worst 
And times we thought we were cursed
With bad luck, disappointments, and broken dreams 
Our tears flowed together into perfect streams 

You're the reason I didn't move across the world 
Or run myself away when bad things swirled 
We have a million inside jokes 
And could easily pull off a hoax 

We have pictures of us in diapers 
Us in boas, and in costumes 
And soon enough the pictures will be heirlooms, 
Hung in our houses, treasured on wall in our favorite rooms 

We can think in perfect tune 
From March to June 
And I thank God everyday
That I have you 

You will always be my sister
And we will be best friends until the end 
So thank you pretty lady 
For being there when blue skies got shady

How can I say it and not have it sound cliche? 
You'll never know what you mean to me babe, 
There is a reason we met, we are true sisters 
Together we will face and overcome great stricture

Reminders

Sitting in math is no easy feat 

When sitting next to hurt and deceit 

When someone reminds you of your past 

And makes your temper run fast

When someone jokes about your pain 

And reads aloud that which keeps you sane

And when someone tells you to do what's lame 

You can't seem to hide your shame

Heart shattered, and destroyed 

Mind on the field, it's deployed

Yourself filled with anxiety and fear

Something so close is no longer near 

A trigger pulled and set forth

The ammo aiming north

Waiting for it to explode from that which encases it

And trying to make a perfect hit

You cry heartache through heavy breaths

And feel angry when coming back to you are thoughts of death

Trying to forget the anxious feelings

And focus solely on happy dealings 

Breaths hung heavily in the frigid air 

Though no one seems to care 

Until you reach for a hand 

And it makes you feel like you can't 

Moments, seconds, and minutes of sorrow 

Giving you nothing to look forward to tomorrow 

And days go by when standing still

Forcing yourself up the invisible hill

And when he tells you to pop the pills, you think about it for hours, for days, 

With your mind in a haze

You remember even when it's long far gone

Painful memories turned back on

Sitting in math is no easy feat 

When sitting next to hurt and deceit 

When someone reminds you of your past 

And makes your temper run fast

Cross Their Hearts And Hope I Die

I was told that I didn't try hard enough

At least not enough to kill myself 

That it would take more pills, and more pain 

And just more slashing of my veins 

People told me only idiots jumped off bridge peaks 

And that anyone trying to die is weak

That my feelings were false or untrue 

But in my veins the blood would always be blue

Sparking interest of writing and poetic words 

The only things I ever truly heard 

Mind shuffling in every direction 

Trying to break all connection 

I thought of dying as nothing more than rest 

And the peace in having experienced death

I had my plan 

My life was to end

Every 43 seconds someone attempts to die

Every 18 minutes it's more than a try 

I was one, more times than not 

A lot of lessons I was taught 

How can you smile with your eyes

When all your smiles are lies 

And you want to die, and live to fight

And try with all your might 

With each suicide attempt my heart going cloudy 

My mind screaming loudly

Bickering between hard dreams 

And through all the loud screams 

I was told lies, 

So I kept on wearing my disguise 

Hiding in the shadows of those who were content 

I didn't own my body, I simply paid rent 

These lies dug oh so deep

Taking every part of me 

Tearing me into shreds 

Making me wish I were dead

I was told that I didn't try hard enough

At least not enough to kill myself 

That it would take more pills, and more pain 

And just more slashing of my veins

Letter Poem #3~ GRASP

Grasp; G R A S P.
 It's suicide prevention, you see
Teaching me the importance of the simple things 
And that everybody dangles their life by a string 

Learning brilliance and resilience, 
How to listen and accept
Defining a crisis, 
And finding the next step

The moment came for me walking a bridge 
All I wanted was to hurl myself off of it's ridge 
That was the first day, 
That is not today

Four weeks later I walked away with knowledge
And walked and talked myself off the bridge 
Knowing I had made it far 
Without another frightful scar. 

The crisis line is always there
When your heart is feeling bare
When you feel strained beyond compare
We will be there

For many years I could have used the training 
No time remaining 
When going downhill 
Trying to stay unnoticed and still

I couldn't keep up my facade any longer 
And because of GRASP I can say that I'm stronger 
I'm sure many others can also say the same; 
We've all won the game 

We've learned to listen and protect 
And to give ample respect 
To show people they are perfect 
We've been taught how to connect 

So thank-you lovely ladies for teaching me all I know 
When needed I pray my knowledge will show 
Real life to begin soon 
Until then I'll whistle an intriguing tune. 

Learning brilliance and resilience, 
How to listen and accept
Defining a crisis, 
And finding the next step

Letter Poem #2~ Biggest Insecurity

You can be my biggest insecurity 

But you are the only one who can make me feel pretty 

Imprisoned in my thoughts

Without you my soul would rot 

My poems started as thoughts of you

 Things I wished had been true 

And while you might not believe or understand 

You'll always have the upper hand

I am disheartened to know 

That love will never be shown

But I want you to be happy, 

So I'll just let you be 

And while it makes me a bad friend, 

I will love you until the end

Because when you message me first, 

You remind me I can live unrehearsed 

And it shows that I am not just a bother 

That you will talk to me even when I don't

And that brings me contentedness 

 For now I'll call that progress 

 I know that wishing I knew what you think is wrong 

So I'll just keep along in this sing along song, 

Trying desperately to understand the intricate words 

And pay tribute to the artists beautiful work 

You make it easy to remember that I don't always come last

But hard to forget my unforgivable past 

And it's been a long time since I've felt so little understood 

Yet it makes me feel good 

You can be my biggest insecurity 

But you are the only one who can make me feel pretty 

Imprisoned in my thoughts

Without you my soul would rot 

Letter Poem #1~ Father

Well what do I know about you?
I know the clear, 
Your name, 
And your birth year 

I know that you can't cook
And there's nothing you can learn about me in a textbook
I know that you don't get me
Something you might not ever see 

I know that every broken promise that came true, 
Probably came from you
But also that I don't hold much of a grudge 
And my dislike for you, you probably misjudged

I know that others have it worse
And that this is just a simple curse 
To have you nowhere nearby 
But over that I won't cry

I know that you've given up on us before 
And that to you, we probably feel like a chore
And I know that to us, that's what you've become 
And that from our minds you go to and from

Maybe it was the years separated
And the days I hated
But I feel renewed 
Not having to visit with you

And what's the point in meeting 
With who I will never again see? 
It's not like either of you really care about me 
Or whoever I will be 

And don't tell me I was pressured into sourness 
It was from you I learned I could be a coward 
And the days I missed you greatly, Surely have stopped

I know not much about you, 
That much can be proved true
But what do you know about me?
Time will tell, and I will see.. 

My Testimony; 'Nothing Less Than God'

Nothing less than God could have gotten me this far into life

That is the pure truth

My days were long and made me weary

Those were the days of my youth

Every day a struggle

And every night a fight

My God gave me love,

My God gave me life

With the battles of self-discovery

And the time associated with self-recovery
God reminded me of who I was

He showed me how to live on pause

From starving to bingeing to purging my food

My God showed me instead how to be good

Telling me healthy is better

Telling me that I could

Cutting, slashing, burning and scratching,

My skin took a beating for my life

The abuse my skin took forth

The Lord said, was no representation of my worth

Addiction haunting my heart, the overdose near,
My heart lacking fear,

My God guided me out, only to shout:

‘The prescription drugs will not reappear! ‘

Suicide a sure fire way

‘I will do it tonight’, I would always say

The Lord kept me alive,

And he told me that I would thrive

The feelings I felt unmistakeable

I wanted the Lord to take me now

Distributing emotional abuse unto myself

My God told me to love thine own self

Every day a struggle

And every night a fight

My God gave me love,

My God gave me life

Those were the days of my youth

My days were long and made me weary

That is the pure truth

Nothing less than God could have gotten me this far into life

Overdue

Sadness leaks into strength in the form of tears

It’s the letting go of fears

With every sad moment, a happy one comes along,
Slowly, and one by one.

And each tear begins with ‘I’m stronger now’,

And a hope that you truly are…

Which is what your tears don’t want you to know,

Because you wouldn’t find out until tomorrow

So with every look into their eyes,

You must give the giver a surprise

And be stronger than ever before

Just letting your heart explore.

You don’t always choose happiness and love,

Sometimes they choose you when push comes to shove

And sometimes you must ask for it,

But it will always be delivered.

When the tears fall, it’s your mind purging itself of its poison

And it does crazy things to you

To know that only goodness surrounds your heart,

And that bad isn’t any longer a part.

Summoned happiness now just channeled, less effort required

And now thoughts of death are thoughts of life

Sadness occasional, but mostly you’re free

And what a great way that is to be.

With the death of Sadness comes joy,

Your heart no longer a toy

Played with by those you thought loved you,

And cradled by those who did

And when your heart leaks tears, you learn who kept you, you

Who to keep around and love,

And who to release.

You learn who you need when you need to be inspired to create a masterpiece

Those tears smoke signal the end of something tragic,

And signal something most commonly described as magic.

When happiness inhabits your heart, it’s subtle but true,

Because nothing is as important, and nothing as overdue.

Voice

My imaginary friend is the voice inside my head.

With every waking moment, it taunts and tortures

Telling me I am not adequate and that I am worthless.

Being untruthful to my mind, when I am clearly blessed

And when I try my best, I feel compressed,

My feelings squashed into a box on the top shelf,

I still try to compose myself

Hoping to God that I stay with it

With every thing I contemplate, my mind expresses hate.

For the things I like, are those that hurt and the people I hurt are those I like.

Reality sinks in when I awaken,

From the thoughts of hell I survived

Sad dreams,

Mad thoughts

Each and everyday
I face the battles I once fought.

When I least expect it, the devil speaks into my ear,

With a scheming heart, he breaths his words

Slowly to catch me off guard

And I start to feel like Eve,

For every thing I ever knew is suddenly not true,
And every thing false has become new.

With all my strength I fight the urge

And my mind and heart I attempt to purge.

For my past is reflected and my mind affected

Through my thoughts and what I feel,
I am torn apart, ripped in every direction

The devil feeding my mind

Each word told to me sticks,

And they are more painful than the metaphoric sticks that the story suggests

It makes me sick to know what I hear and how I feel.

And to know that it’s ultimately unimportant.

The voice in my head telling me things I know to be untrue

Somehow they still stick like glue.

It’s my imaginary friend; the voice inside my head,

Making me hear voices

Menacing sounds and thoughts fill my brain

And I need to correct my heart each and every time

It makes me feel lame.
To know that I won’t just live, I can’t

For every time I get to that place

The good place in my heart,

My imaginary friend comes along,

And sings the same sing along song; like always.

Every smile forgotten;
Each frown engraved

Into my brave mind

Making me long to be saved.

And now it stings just a little less,
My mind not so much a mess,
My heart in a test

To get an A plus,  

Thinking that life will just go away,

If only you shoot it hard enough.

And when the heart shoots it and misses?
It caves.

Impossibly torn apart,

Comfortless and in tragedy

Filled with misery,

And hating company,

Yet when the heart itself is punctured by the heartless words

Uttered by the lonely imaginary friend in my mind,

The heart breaks, only to explode, all the words and hate, you couldn’t find
Anywhere else.

All the hate leaked on the floor,

And the fears shown as lies,

The heart doesn’t have to try,

Because it’s been repaired.

And while my imaginary friend is the voice inside my head,
It no longer sleeps in the same bed,

Leaving me to believe,

Things are only as you choose to perceive.

My imaginary friend is the voice inside my head.

With every waking moment, it taunts and tortures

Telling me I am not adequate and that I am worthless.

Being untruthful to my mind, when I am clearly blessed