Liar (Survivor Sequel)

This little girl has lied to so many
Hurt others as much as she has hurt herself
This little girl will never admit to her lies
She will never say she was ever the one
She writes and she sings
She smiles and it stings
This girl will forever hide behind a mask
Because becoming happy is a scary task
She stays lying behind her wall of sadness
Though her body is filled with life
This girl does not have one
Her heart filled with strife
She knows how she feels
And her life the pain do steal
As everything passes by her eyes
This little girl sees nothing
The sting continues into the night
As this girl remembers all her lies
She wants nothing more than for no one to know
For no one to guess
But she knows that despite the hate and all the lies
Nobody really cares
And she doesn’t know why

Survivor

Little does this little girl know
That her heart has broke
Tears well, and then they race
On this little girls face
Her strength has been taken
Her will to live destroyed
She only knows she is shaken
Not how long she will survive
Thoughts that bring her pain fill her brain
They torture this girl the whole day
While on the sudden and unprovoked brink of tears
She sits down to think of all her fears
They fill her brain unwillingly
And take over this girls life
Reality hidden by shade
So much so that she turns to a blade
The scars on her wrists and thighs showing in her eyes
Each scar a battle wound with a story and a life
Every victory and triumph never shown clearer
Than on each scar because she still survived
This girl starved, and she purged, she binged, and she burned
Yet she is still alive 

Teardrop Lullaby

Tears race silently down my cheeks as I lay in bed
For I cannot escape these thoughts in my head
These feelings debilitating
I can’t help but hating

This life no longer seems worth living
Depression so unforgiving
Tearing my heart and life to bits
Feels like time to call life quits

Brain waiting and waiting as my mind works
All responsibilities I do shirk
Until the moment I feel intact
And this happiness no longer an act

A person of deception I am
Out of every jam
No matter they believe me
I am no one I am just ‘she’

These thoughts doth fill my head every night
Each evening I go to bed with fright
Wishing I could wake up and things would be changed
Though each morning I am still estranged

New Low

I’ve hit a new low
One that I’m afraid to show
Rock bottom where I am
It all feels a sham

Nothing and no one changing it
Still holding in every little bit
I hate myself, every part of me
Thinking things will change, well we’ll see

How can people believe what I say
When I cry as I lay
The lies I tell so opaque
I wonder when I will show as fake

Who can believe
When it is so simple to deceive
Love no longer lingers and lurks
Happiness an occasional perk

Overwhelmed by things bad
Part of what makes me sad
I hate and I hurt
Each time with suicide I do flirt

Pain and sorrow hard to bear
I hurt myself to make it seem fair
My low that I hit an unfortunate one
It’s far too late though, it’s already begun

Life's Battles

The way I feel, the way I am
I promise to you is not a sham
I only wish someone would believe
For I wish not to deceive

I hope only for someone to understand
For them only to hold out their hand
To know what it’s like to walk in my shoes
To have them see the inner bruise

My body neither beaten nor torn
Though still scarred and forlorn
The hands of evil those of my own
For in my mind I am alone

Hands trembling and heart racing
Prepared for that which I will be facing
The moment of pressure being that sign of relief
Cleanliness stolen by a thief

Simple red lines representing my battles
Ones that will make my brain forever rattle
The times I’ve won and the times I lost
I will always remember despite the cost

Though my battles are now over the struggles still persist
The pain and hardships shall not be dismissed
Pain no longer released through a blade
Only because you came to my aid

The Sting of Life

This beautiful silence hurts 

This feeling a painful sting  

Hate and love coming in spurts 

Memories and flashbacks an unpleasant ring 

Time goes by yet time seems still 

The fear of life still setting in

Even though it’s against my will

It’s the reason why I sin

The sun no longer seems to shine

Though there’s all this love inside my heart

Love that no longer feels like mine 

This moment sour yet tart

Wishing for love and happiness doesn’t work

Darkness always overwhelms me 

Being okay just an occasional perk

The object of life just to be free 

Feeling alone though surrounded by souls

These thoughts never far behind

In my heart there is a hole 

These days too long I do find

Alone in the night, my only company the stars 

Brain and heart not working together

Yet I know I have come far

It’ll cut through me like a knife forever

Sequel to 'The Mask'

My mask is now worn

Yet a new one is born

This mask again do cover 

Though not unto thine lover 

Shown once more, my mask will crack

It will shake and shatter ‘til I have it back 

This life of sorrow, misery and pain

Will taunt me until I have felt it’s strain

For times will be tough

And my masks life will be rough

I must be strong in the end

For in that moment, my mask will be my friend 

While being tested, I will find strength 

I shall make it to the greatest length 

This mask doth hide one thousand tears

Equally true to all my fears 

Each day goes by, my mask still shown 

Something I never have and never will condone

This mask wants only to take away from me 

Though I wish it would just let me be 

Hiding behind this mask makes me want to surrender 

No longer a happiness lender 

I know I shan't give up

No matter the amount this mask do corrupt

Overwhelmed

I just want to die
Can’t help but cry
This feeling repeating any times
No matter how many times I write these rhymes

Overwhelmed and stricken with fear
The moment near
Not a moment goes by
And I start acting shy

Nothing seems to be going right
But with myself I shall not fight
This doesn’t seem real
Nobody seems to care how I feel

Surrounded by people, yet so alone
My body quivering right down to the bone
Will this ever go away
The lines of life now frayed

Life so uncertain
Where has happiness been
The beauty suddenly gone
Life no longer like a song

Darkness's Taunt

Death mocking me in everyway, everyday.
Taunting me and haunting me
Sometimes I just don’t know what to say
When will fear and want let me be

Truth be told it scares me yet excites
Even when I say my prayer
Brain and heart in constant fights
Sometimes it is just too much to bear

Days will go by of happiness and joy
These days lasting for a short while before fading
The sadness creeps up in a manner that’s coy
Somehow nothing is aiding

Not sure what to do or where to go
I wander through thoughts and feelings
Trying to find the right emotion to show
By looking up at the ceiling

Seeing no answers provokes no thought
Only disappointment and realization
Life will be this way no matter the direction sought
Even with all this motivation

Death doth torment me one more day
Telling me it is the option of choice
But what is that for death to say
When tomorrow I will have my own voice

Wonderland

Life surrounds me and sounds confront me
Little do I hear of the trumpets sounds
Or also of the buzzing bee
As across the forest I make my rounds

Silence making a pitter patter
While a raindrop hits the grass
The lullaby of nature quite dapper
As its silence puts me in a trance

Eerie I do now feel
My heart seeming in the sky
A fantasy starts my skin begins to peel
Transformed I am a butterfly

Free of my cocoon I am free to fly
This is my chance for a new life
Wings constricted I wonder why
My feet won’t leave the ground, it cuts like a knife

Still the trance overwhelms my heart
Trying to leave the ground
Wanting to get past this part
Despite lack of sound

My heart finally understands and knows
Standing there in the deafening quiet
The knowledge begins to show
Brain and heart in riot

I lay my head back down
Once again to wake for reality
To the dreary woods I do frown
Before I close my eyes to see no actuality

Last Chance

This is my chance to shine
I’ll use this moment to fly
Days and days will go by
Waiting to lose my shy

The feelings of others will tremble
As I go into the temple
I close my eyes to pray
And to them I do say

What are you waiting for
When’s the day you’ll want more
Feelings across the board
What are you waiting for

To take all of me I will not allow
There will be no time to take a bow
I need to be prepared for what comes now
As we finish, I and thou

I will put on my strong face
I’ll make it to the end base
I will win this race
Because I am no disgrace

Reason

God give me a reason that I am still here
Lord give me a way that I won’t have to fear
Just teach me to be who you want me to be
And not just the girl standing here that you see

Yes I know I am beautiful to you
But one day I want to be beautiful to me too
You’re the only one who can make me feel this way
But until then I will see another day

You’ve given me the strength to carry on everyday
And I know I can trust you in everyway
But until I can learn to trust me too
All I will ever have is you

I will feel loved when you are with me
Yet abandoned when you’re not
I sure hope you do love me
Otherwise my soul do rot

I thought you gave me someone who loved me
Though I guess I thought wrong
He sure didn’t love me you see
I guess it was just you all along

Worth

I guess I've made mistakes before

I know that I've messed up and more 

Realizing is the most important thing about it 

Changing your ways too, a bit

I know I'm not perfect, I sure don't try to be 

The best I can do is just try to be me

Wishing that's all that's expected of me never works

The bar is always being raised by some jerks

When will something reasonable be asked of I

So I finally succeed at what I try

It seems I can never do things right

But one day people will see the light

I'm not a screw up, and I'm not worthless

When the time comes I will pass the final test

At that time I will be my best

I will show you and all the rest

I may not be as good as others, but I am in my own way

Tomorrow could very well be my day 

I guess I'll keep trying for now

Until the end when I can take a bow

Forgetting

There’s nothing I can do, 

But try to forget you

The happy memories are starting to fade,

Looking at the mess that loving you has made

My heart a wreck, torn in two, 

All of this happened, because I met you

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret anything, 

I am finally ready for what the future will bring

A future without you, so dark and upsetting, 

You didn’t even think about that, I’m betting

Time to wipe you clear from my brain, 

Time to take off this chain

I am free now, that’s all that matters,

Free from all the love, and these flatters

It’s finally time for me to give up all hope,

With you not loving me I am near the end of my rope

Moving on as hard as it may be

This pain so lonely, if only, you could see 

The silence, so absolutely deafening

The memories of you, just an unpleasant ring 

Today is the final day of all this sorrow

This is the day I remember that there’s always tomorrow

From the first moment I told you ‘Hi’

This is my final goodbye 

<3 

The Mask

As the morning sun doth rise

So do the people in disguise 

One attempt apparently not enough 

In the end looking rough

Hiding behind a shield

Finding no need to yield

Another day, another fear

Found it there, found it here

Becoming the person you never thought 

Fighting the fight, that needs to be fought

Living your life staring from behind

Just trying to keep piece of mind 

Days go by, and then another

Just hiding and hiding undercover

Waiting only for the day to be exposed 

Just for the day I don’t oppose 

People look but they don’t care

Listen, but it’s too much to bear

Tomorrow is a new day, I think to myself

Maybe then I can hide my stealth

As the sun doth set beautifully in night skies 

So dearly rest; those in disguise

This day now gone, next soon to be

Perhaps then, the people will see

When the nightfall comes.

The light diminishes as tears fall.
Silence deafening, as I make my mark.
My mind playing tricks on me, I feel confused and scared.
The beauty of the night fading

Feeling alone, having no choice.
Eyes glimmering, filling with tears.
I think about all I can do, all that can go wrong.
Wishing to myself that I could be happier.

The thought terrifies me, scared, I am.
I wonder if there is another way.
I want to do this, then I don't.
All I need is a way out.

It's too bad, it's too late.
Sometimes I wonder.
If it all could have been different.
Then I realized I wouldn't want it to be.

Stepping out of the shadow

The day that you realize is the day that I die.
The day you find out, I guarantee you’ll cry.
I feel sad to tell you this, but you must know.
I hate to worry you like this but I am not okay.
Help is needed here, I sure hope to get some.
All you must do is notice, and tell someone.
I am in despair, I am broken, in need to be fixed.
As well as I look happy, I am dead inside.
A depression worsened with time, sadness that isn’t fine.
I need to be healed, I need to be saved.
The almighty please take me away.
Until then I will live my life, for beauty and love.
Rather than depression and sorrow.